banocanut

See Harry Potter in Theaters for Free(ish)

2011-07-04T19:15:00.000-07:00

For those who like going to the movies, but do not like paying movie prices (like me), then you are in luck. This week Best Buy is selling all previously released Harry Potter DVDs for $7.99 and each one comes with a "FREE" movie ticket to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2 (and the FREE is in quotes because the coupon is up to $8 off ticket price and some theaters, or most theaters charege more than that). So you can look at this deal two ways, you are seeing Harry Potter for freeish when purchasing the DVD, or you are getting a free DVD when you see the movie. And sorry for those who already have the DVDs...you should have waited :)

Just a note that Target was running a similar sale with the release of the latest Pirates movie, On Stranger Tides, except that the sale was for $15 you get a BluRay/DVD pack, a "FREE" movie ticket and an action figure. Needless to say, I purchased the first 2 movies, got tickets for my wife and myself, got two toys for...um...well, they were for me, and we got the movies on BluRay, all for $30. Plus, we were able to register the movies with the Disney Rewards program and earn our way towards free Disney merchandise. I think this was a win, win, win, win situation.

$7 Mother's Day Car? WTF?

2011-05-08T06:24:00.001-07:00

I was in Walmart shopping for a Mother's Day card yesterday and I was taken aback at the prices. Between $4 and $7 for a card with little to no thought in it. Why on earth would someone pay that much moeny for a card? It is completely beyond me. There are cheaper alternatives out there and especially with the creative programs out there it would be cheaper for me in the long run (with all the holidays and all) to buy a printer, ink, and paper. I think this investment would pay for itself after the first year with all my siblings birthdays. Now people would say..."don't you love your Mother? Isn't she worth $7 dollars?" And the answer is a simple yes, I would gladly pay any amount of money to make my Mom happy, but I also want to show her that she did raise me right, and that uprining would not pay $7 for a folder up piece of paper just to say Happy Mother's Day. Regardless, I found a 99 cent one at Hallmark and all was well. Happy Mother's Day to all the Mother's out there and especially mine!

Osama's Last Act of Terrorism

2011-05-05T03:35:00.001-07:00

We all know the dastardly and unthinkable acts of Osama Bin Laden during his life of terror, and even in his death he does instill terror. How you may be asking yourself, and I will explain. It is all about timing. Osama could not have the common decency to die at any time other than prime time? Absurd, and during Celebrity Apprentice nonetheless. At first while watching the show and a teaser appeared that President Obama was going to make a special announcement the first thing I thought was that Obama was trying to trump Trump and eat into his presidential campaign talk by interupting his show. "People of America. I am here to tell you that Star Jones should not be fired." But no, Obama actually had an important agenda and had the right to interrupt, but Osama, he is the one that picked the wrong time to take a bullet to the face.

Now you may think to yourself, how exactly is this terrorism? Allow me to explain. I, like most of America, have been living in fear this past week because there is still a chance that Trump sent home the provider of justice, Star Jones. With no Star who would keep Nene Leakes in line? Marlee Matlin? That would be unheard of. Only Star Jones has the ability to keep Nene from running rampant and ravaging the city streets of Tokyo (Godzilla reference, not earthquake reference). Sure I read that Trump sent Hope Dworaczyk as he fired the beauty queen, but how can I be certain? I have no proof, no pictures, no evidence, no DNA of Hope as she got into the limo. For this reason i still live in fear and until next sunday I will continue doing so. The fear of uncertainty is a powerful beast.

Did you know The Voice is a blind audition?

2011-05-04T03:42:00.001-07:00

I going to start off by saying that I like the show The Voice. The judges are great ( was already a fan of Adam Levine and Blake Shelton, and my wife was already a fan of Christina Aguilera and Cee Lo Green), fun, and playful, and there are some really talented singers on the show. That out of the way, there are some things that are starting to get to me. First off, WE KNOW THAT THE AUDITIONS ARE BLIND! Everyone saw through the 1.76 million commercials that were run before the show aired that the judges could not see the singers, but now they make sure to mention it at least twelve time in every ten minutes. What is comfusing is that I originally thought hey the judges have their backs to the singers, they can see them, I thought this was blind, but then they told me again, when judges have their backs to people they can't see them...oh, that makes sense now.

Also when they remind us that it is a blind audition, they are forgetting to mention that each of these singers has already been through rounds of auditions to get to that point and there were more than likely hand picked based on the combination of their voice and their looks. They had quotas to fill...alright you are atractive you will get us ratings, your in....jeese beastlies what happened to that ones face? I don't know, but it will help us push that the show is a bling audition and that it doesn't matter what sort of ug-mug we put out there. Also, take the fat one. It would not bother me if they just stopped reminding me that they were blind auditions, yes to the judges, not to the whole show.

One more thing is Blake Shelton seems a little to deep when judging songs he wrote or songs his fiance Miranda Lambert wrote. When a contestant sang one of his songs he commented about how the song should have been sung because that was the way he did it and that was the way it was written...but I thought this was a blind audition that should focus only on THE VOICE? Wait, there is more, there is also backstory that you need to involve? Then when two contestants go out and try their hand at Miranda Lambert songs he right off the bat says he compared them to his more than famous superstar love to crafted the songs from her own creativity. How can you compete with that...I thought this was only about THE VOICE...did I mention that the auditions are blind?

Next season I am just hoping to see Stevie Wonder as one of the celebrity judges...did I mention that the...nevermind.

Do Not Pay for Overpriced HDMI Cables

2010-04-04T05:08:00.000-07:00

I am going to keep this short, simple, and too the point. When buying an HDMI cable for any form of high definition player, such as blueray, or connecting a computer to your HD TV for netflix, do not purchase them from a store. Most players do not come with the required cables to connect to your HD television and Bestbuy and other electronic stores sell these cables for over $80, which is absurd.

But, now you are asking yourself, now that I have a HD player, and a HD TV, how can I bridge the gap between the two to get them to work together to entertain me, without spending rediculously inflated prices? I am glad you asked, they sell them on AMAZON for less than $5 for a 6ft cable, and in some cases you can even get them for a penny plus $3 shipping. Now if you ask me that is much better than $80+. I have personally bought two separate cables from them, one for my bluray player, and one for my computer to connect to my television, and the quality is great. You get the exact same picture as the cables that cost as much as a small country. So if you know you are buying a HD player, or you are giving one to someone as a gift, do yourself, your friends, and your wallet a favor and buy online.

Global Warming Video

2009-08-14T12:49:00.000-07:00

I made a new video inspired by the effects of Global Climate Change on the animals. Coincidentally, the fiction book I just started writing is also on Global Warming, which I hope to finish by the end of the year. I hope you enjoy the video.

Two New Cartoons

2009-08-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

I have made two new cartoons for any of you that are interested.

They are both short, so you have no reason not to watch them.

More to Love

2009-08-04T09:31:00.000-07:00

With America's ever growing fascination with the ever growing obesity problem, many networks have decided to cash in and market this large breed of human onto reality television. Previously, it was hard for an overweight person to find their way to television, unless they were a master of comedy, but now the heavy are broadening their horizons and making their way to wide screen television sets across the nation. Some may call these shows a tasteless exploitation, but this is not the case. These shows are doing the overweight a great justice as they are teaching the public, people like you or I, that fat people are not to be feared, they are just like us, just require more material for clothing.

One particular reality television show that is remarkably gaining popularity is Fox’s More to Love. This gem is taking the reality world by storm by setting up a dating game, Bachelor style, but features only plus size contestants. Knowing that more networks borrow ideas from popular shows of other networks, especial reality shows, I believe it is only a matter of time before a comparable show creeps up on another channel. To help ease the process, I have decided to compile a list of my top five choices for other networks to consider.

5. Hot and Heavy
4. Chew the Fat
3. Give me a Chubby
2. Fat Chance
1. Heavy Hearted

Tune in to watch More to Love on Tuesdays nights on Fox.

Blog to the Future - Part II

2009-08-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

I have spent a little more time in your present since I last blogged and I am starting to adjust. For those who may not know, allow me to summarize. I have time traveled from the future as a fugitive, and have hijacked a blog to educate the world. I have no interest in changing the future, because it is a significant improvement over what you are living now, but I will give you something to look forward to.

First off, I want to shoot down a myth. There are no flying cars, or hover cars. I have seen many cinematic recordings and they all portray the future inhabitants driving mini spaceships and flying about. This is ridiculous. In the future we do have vehicles that fly; they are called planes, and intergalactic space capsules. Not cars. Sure we would have the technology to create a flying car but it would not be economical. First off, the energy used to keep the craft hovering, far out weighs the energy required to overcome surface friction. Secondly, trafficking airways is easier said than done. Imagine how lost one could become with no roadway infrastructure or signs to follow. I would image the death count for stalling over bodies of water would be higher than the death toll from Sklixbar attacks.

I have also noticed that overpopulation seems to be an issue. Apparently the Ignorance is Punishable by Death Act has not been initiate. Just wait, the world will become a much more tolerable place to live. It is also much colder than I am use to. I overheard some talking about the threat of global warming, so I assume it has not happened yet. Where I am from we welcomed the warming with open arms, and embraced the permanent shorts weather. As I have mentioned earlier, humans are no longer dependant on fossil fuels, which has steadied off the planetary temperature increases. The shift in energy suppliers shifted to a bovine byproduct, and as a result, the oil tycoons which once ran the government were replaced, by an equally greedy and corrupt type of tycoon. Since the temperatures were elevated, and since cows were highly regarded as the most useful creature on the planet, the ice-cream conglomerates sunk their claws into most legislation. They controlled market pricings, bought out and crushed the frozen yogurt market, and removed gummi-bears from the protected species list.

I once again leave you with a thought to consider. I overheard a man claiming to be tired as he muttered, I bearly slept last night. This confused me because, at least from what I remember of their species, bear sleep very well. They hibernate through seasons and presumably are well rested. Perhaps this is a idiom of sorts with convoluted origins, but I proposed the saying be altered to address a more finicky sleeper. Perhaps a feline or a rodent. I cattily slept last night, or I mousily slept last night.

-Commander Alba Tross

Blog to the Future

2009-07-24T13:02:00.000-07:00

I have just arrived from many years from this point in time. I have traveled through time. I could be so bold as to say that I am the first one, but those preceding me may choose to travel back to a time earlier than this claiming that title. Regardless, I did not take the trek for fame or glory, but to escape bill collectors trying to get their ridiculous charges for my cell phone. Yes, for those wondering, in the future, the cellular phone will still be humans main form of communication, but it has been sync with the brain so that you no longer need to worry about hands free calling.

Upon arriving here I have noticed that most people that I met are rather rude and unwilling to great me with the customary pubic bump. I have given up hope of normal conversations, and have turned to a place where I am more comfortable, the virtual word, where I do most of my business where I come from. I made my way to a blog, and had to hack into an account. I was able to crack the password in just under twelve hundred attempts, and using my vast knowledge of intergalactic statistical know-how, I deem that quite remarkable, seeing how many possible combinations exist.

I know for those that read this they will wonder if I created time travel, and the answer is no, I did not, but I know the person who did. I will not share his name however because I am not on speaking terms with him after he turned my poodle into a hemlock. So you will just have to wait it out until you can see for yourself. I would assume humans in this time can sustain life over two centuries, so just sit patiently and bide your time. Also in my time, the silly gas crisis that I keep hearing about now has ended. Engineers have developed a form of fuel contracted from the milk of cows, and the energy is clean and highly sustainable. The cows grew wise to their importance and launched an uprising for more rights. They were granted complete equal rights to humans with very little opposition. I do not fully agree with the shared bathrooms because cows rarely clean up after themselves. Cows are also terrible drivers. Aside from being dairy doners, most cows ventured into the performing arts as mimes, being that they are already incapable of speach. I would assume in the later years cows will develope better communication skills.

As I sign off now, leaving you with one final thought. I have noticed many stores selling sleeveless T-shirts, but my mind is boggled. If the namesake of the shirt is based after the resemblance to a letter, should the sleeveless counterpart be refered to as an I-shirt or a lowercase L shirt? Please keep me posted on your findings.-Commander Alba Tross

Everybody Loves Cartoons

2009-07-23T17:27:00.000-07:00

I have made two short cartoon videos which are ripe with my certain style of humor. The first one is an introduction of my character Abner the Gopher, who is featured in my books No Cure for Nature and The Many Mini-Adventures of Abner the Gopher. In this video he is showing a slideshow of his travels.

The second is a video pun entitled Unicorn. I feel like I do not need to explain it, it is only 37 seconds long, just see for yourself.

Fighting Poverty

2009-07-16T09:47:00.000-07:00

Poverty is a growing problem in the world and it is the civic responsibility to put an end to it once and for all before it is too late. This growing problem strikes fear into the hearts of the wealthy, and slowly consumes those in the middle class. Evidence of the problem roams the streets, with Poverty’s legion of rouge wanders…the homeless. That is where Poverty’s true power lies, within the hearts of the millions of hobo inhabitants of our cities. It is with this knowledge that we can actually stand up to fight against Poverty, but disarming its minions, we will leave it vulnerable for the final blow.

We must destroy the homeless. We must band together with pride in our wallets and strip them of the only thing they have left. This quest is not a walk in the park however, because they currently claim rights to that land. We must be well armed and properly vaccinated to reduce threat of disease. Studies performed by scientists and doctors alike have all ended with the same conclusion; the most effective weapon against the homeless are lasers. A high powered light amplification by stimulated emission of radiation forceful enough to cut the bums in half like melted butter will prove useful. These coherent beams of photons will be our closest allied, but the destitute have also become armed over the years. Their weapons are slightly less sophisticated, but nonetheless dangerous. We must be weary of homeless weapons such as change cups, boxes, shopping carts, and rocket-propelled grenades.

Another factor that must be considered when fighting the homeless is they are all vampires. Most wealthy vampires prey on the street homeless when their feeding time arises, thus building a band of vampiric battling bums. The homeless are not as easily defeated as the common vampire however. Garlic has no effect on them because the aroma of garlic is overpowered by the stench of their being. Steaks also have no effect, because most homeless have no hearts. Holy water does work however, as does any water. Water splashed on the homeless reveals their true selves as it washes away their mask of filth. This almost immediately transforms them into a right thinking individual again. It is at this moment to strike them with the laser.Half eaten sandwiches must also be in full supply when the battle ensues.

The half eaten sandwiches will be tossed at the homeless to cause diversions allowing time for attack and regroup. The homeless may not be picky about what they eat, but full sandwiches must not be used. The homeless are wise to many tricks, they are survivors, and if they see a full sandwich thrown at them they will know it’s a trap and fill with rage at the thought of wasted food. This can be a devastating blow to our forces, because a hungry enraged homeless fighter delivers 47% more damage with each strike.

Once the homeless forces have been reduced, the Poverty power will drop to unimaginable levels, revealing an opportune chance to strike. If this chance is missed it could mean total devastation to all. The strike to Poverty must be precise. Once its heart is revealed a single slice of Swiss Cheese must be laid out in the sun for 3 hours and then placed on the palm of the left hand of Poverty. This will cause Poverty to transform into Povomitron the Destroyer of the Stars. Many of our forces will abandon the cause at the site of Povomitron, but we only need a select few to carry out the remainder of the mission. We must politely say the following words…”Povomitron, Destroyer of the Stars, in our time we have seem plight and plague, please leave us be and take Morgan Freeman as a peace offering.” No being would be able to refuse that offer, hence saving the world as we know it from Poverty once and for all.

*Disclaimer – no homeless were harmed in the writing of this. The homeless are human beings, and they don’t have any homes.

No Cure for Nature going to Print

2009-07-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

For those of you who were waiting for the hit eBook No Cure for Nature to enter the printed form, you can release your breath. The day has come. The book is being distributed through WordClay (here is the link http://www.wordclay.com/BookStore/BookStoreBookDetails.aspx?bookid=51912)

Of course there is an added cost of the luxery to hold the work in your hand, so of course if you prefer to read the captivating tale on the comfort of your computer you can always buy No Cure for Nature in eBook form at Amazon, www.Smashwords.com, or www.ireadiwrite.com.

Shaquille O'Neal - Shaq-Fu Da Return

2009-07-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

The mass beckoned, and Shaq supplied. For as long as time could tell, everyone wanted basketball franchise players to rap, and Shaquille O’Neal was the one to satisfy the needs of the public. From the beginning of the CD to the very end, listeners are stunned by a full onslaught of the forceful Shaq-Attack as he bounces beats just as well as he bounces basketballs. The unexpected aspect of the music which is the most captivating is the thoughtful lyrics. Unlike other celebrity made music attempts, Shaq reaches into his soul and pulls out some emotional issues and shares them. The highlight of the album is Biological Didn’t Bother, which tells of the moving relationship Shaquille O’Neal had with his step father Phil, because his real blood related dad wanted nothing to do with him. This heartfelt rap jerks all the tears in ones ducts leaving you wanting more, which is exactly what you get. Shaq is a leader of the people and supplies the demands which is why Biological Didn’t Bother is delivered twice on this astounding musical masterpiece. Surprisingly, the second time you hear this song, it is better than the first, which was originally thought to be impossible.

Another precious pearl of perfect performance is Shaq’s Got it Made, where Shaq tells it how it. Shaq’s got it all, he can play basketball, he can write, he can rap, he drinks Pepsi, he can sing, he’s a love machine, and he can act. Another fine attribute to the personal character of Shaquille O’Neal is his loyalty. While listening to this CD Shaq throws mention to his sponsor at the time Pepsi, which is cleverly worked into one of his raps.

The only down side of this national treasure, is that a certain level of respect is lost for other rappers on the CD such as Redman and Method Man. When rapping on their own, it is not apparent, but once paired against the astonishing Shaq rap, it is clear that these are lesser rappers. Shaq not only casts a shadow over these artists due to his immense stature, but he also leaves them in the dark as he casts a shadow over them with his immense talent. The others can barely keep up as Shaq rolls his rhymes as a professional that can free style as well as his free throw.

No Cure for Nature

2009-07-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

No Cure for Nature is my debut work as an author. I poured much of myself into what I feel is a great story. The summy is as follows:

In a time of environmental uncertainty, pollution and contamination, Nature struck back; leaving Guy, an unlikely hero, the task of fighting for the freedom of the world. This comical environmental adventure explores the personification of Mother Nature rebelling against humankind in a whirlwind of puns, wordplay and heroism. Havoc reigned after Mother Nature rallied her forces to enslave all humankind. In a bizarre twist, Mother Nature grew corrupt and tyrannical. All hope was lost, until Guy, an uninspired free spirit, is thrown into prison and learns of the travesties happening outside the prison walls. He vows to right the wrongs of the world and sets off on a cyclone adventure of love, loss, barns, bears, bees, beavers and bereavement.

So far, No Cure for Nature has been released on www.ireadiwrite.com, www.smashwords.com, and for the kindle at www.amazon.com. I am still new to the writing industry and would love any feedback, comments or recommendations. Also if anyone has any suggestions to better expose myself without jail time I woulc greatly appreciate it. Also, for more of my work (short stories, poems, haiku's, drawings) visit my website at www.banocanut.com. Thanks for reading.

Short Stories

2009-07-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

I have been writing some short stories recently. I have put all of them up on my website (www.banocanut.com), but here is a brief intro to what you might find there:

Why a Train? – A man awakes on a train in this stream of consciousness tale. He is unaware of how he got there and not sure where or when he is.

Shorts Stories – A certain perspective of shorts taken from the accounts of one particular article.

The Amish versus the Mime – We all knew it was bound to happen when the Mimes face off against the Amish. Luckily the accounts were witnessed so that they could be scribed for others to enjoy. So enjoy.

Wrinkled – The last minutes of ones life as he withers away under the sun.

My first blog

2009-06-30T17:23:00.000-07:00

I would like to christen my blog with an introduction. I am an aspiring author attempting to read the world through my comical environmental adventure eBooks. I currently have three available No Cure for Nature - Part I, No Cure for Nature - Part II, and The Many Mini Adventures of Abner the Gopher. All are available on Amazon's Kindle and www.smashwords.com.

I also maintain my own website at www.banocanut.com where I share my short stories, poems, drawings, reviews, and my daily haiku's. I have a love for a good joke, pun, or play on words and this can be seen very strongly in my work. More blogs to come. Vive la Gopher!